I’ve been super depressed all year. Not one day has gone by so far where I haven’t hit that huge slump that pulls you under and you have to try so damn hard to pull yourself out of.
Beginning of this year, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I also had a breast cancer scare. My health has been steadily declining which in turn made it to where instead of even having euphoric moments that comes with being bipolar, I’ve only had low moments. My recurrant eating disorder snuck back into my life. I lost my passion for food for a while. I was diagnosed with GERD but things havent lined up with how GERD is supposed to react. Hypoglycemia that has been out of control to where I carry glucose tabs with me everywhere. On top of that, I’ve had super heavy menstrual cycles with cramps so bad I’ve blacked out.
Recently, I gathered up the courage to go speak to my doctor about everything . In the past no doctor has ever taken me seriously because “I’m 26 and I cant possibly have all of this wrong with me”. But my new doctor actually listened to me.
Since I have so many allergies to many foods, cleaners, deodorants, soaps, and medications she is sending me to an allergist to see what I am allergic to so I can avoid those trigger foods and chemicals and hopefully I can get off the zofran I’ve been on for 6 years now. She also advised me to begin a probiotic.
I had an ultrasound yesterday in regard to my heavy menstrual cycle and I got the news today that I have a hemorrhagic cyst on my right ovary along with a moderate amount of pelvic free fluid and to be honest I am absolutely terrified.
But, I decided tonight to just try and let everything go. I try so hard to control everything and so far I’ve gotten nowhere doing that. So, I’m beginning anew.
I’m going to focus on more self care. Get up with the sun, meditate for longer periods of time, start doing yoga again, and most importantly get off the junk food since I found myself too depressed to even cook for myself. I’m crossing my fingers that everything will be sorted out and I can live normally again but until then I’m going to make the most of it.
I’m like 99% sure nobody is going to read this or even read it all the way through, but it feels so good and freeing to write it all down. It’s extremely soul cleansing. I have isolated myself from my best friends and havent ventured forward alone further than the library or doctors appointments. It’s going to be an extreme hurdle but I’m looking forward to clearing my mind of the worries and becoming my own person again.
If you are going through the same things, or even just having a difficult time or wanting someone to just chat with please dont hesitate to reach out to me. ♡♡♡